Funny When Someone Puts You Down
Y'all know how the saying goes: Laughter is the all-time medicine. And there's so much truth to that old adage. If you lot're having a bad day, or if someone yous dearest needs a piffling cheering up, humor can help ease the tension and create a footling pocket of joy amongst life's stresses.
This drove of funny quotes provides an array of ways to trigger that smile and plough around someone's lousy mood. (Even if that someone is you lot!) We've got funny quotes about love, marriage, aging, parenting, so many more relatable topics. Grab your favorites for greeting cards, social media captions, or fifty-fifty just to print and hang in a higher place your desk-bound to serve as a little reminder that life's non that serious — and we're all much better off laughing so nosotros don't cry!
These funny quotes come from famous comedians similar Betty White, Joan Rivers, Lucille Ball, and Phyllis Diller. You'll also find laugh-out-loud quotes from your favorite timeless sitcoms like The Office, and funny-but-oh-and then-wise movies like Steel Magnolias. So relish our list and bookmark it to come back to someday you need a laugh.
Looking for more inspiration? Cheque out these poignant quotes for women and inspirational quotes almost life.
Funny Quotes Almost Life
1. "Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That's one of my mottos."
—Stanley Hudson, The Office
ii. "There is no sunrise so cute that it is worth waking me upwards to see it."
―Mindy Kaling
3. "I always cook with vino. Sometimes I fifty-fifty add together it to the food."
—W.C. Fields
4. "People say money is non the key to happiness, only I have ever figured if yous have enough money, you tin can have a key fabricated."
—Joan Rivers
5. "Practice not take life too seriously. You will never get out of information technology alive."
—Elbert Hubbard
6. "I generally avoid temptation unless I tin't resist it."
―Mae W
seven. "Sometimes you lie in bed at nighttime and you don't have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!"
—Charlie Brown
8. "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true."
—James Co-operative Cabell
9. "I'grand killing time while I wait for life to shower me with pregnant and happiness."
―Beak Watterson
10. "Y'all simply live once, but if you do information technology right, one time is enough."
―Mae West
eleven. "If at first yous don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No utilise being a damn fool about information technology."
―W.C. Fields
12. "I love mankind... information technology's people I can't stand!!"
― Charles M. Schulz
13. "I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability."
―Oscar Wilde
14. "Would I rather exist feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."
—Michael Scott, The Part
15. "Two things are space: the universe and homo stupidity. And I'chiliad non sure about the universe."
―Albert Einstein
16. "When life gives y'all lemons, eject someone in the middle."
―Cathy Guisewite
17. "Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It'due south the transition that's troublesome."
―Isaac Asimov
eighteen. "When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. At present I realize I should have been more specific."
—Lily Tomlin
19. "I have a lot of growing up to practice. I realized that the other 24-hour interval inside my fort."
—Zach Galifianakis
xx. "I just want to lie on the beach and consume hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted."
—Kevin Malone, The Office
21. "Whenever I'm about to do something, I recollect, 'Would an idiot exercise that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing."
—Dwight Schrute, The Role
22. "Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow only too."
—Marker Twain
23. "I'm not crazy — I've only been in a very bad mood for 40 years."
—Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias
Funny Quotes for Friends
24. "Well, y'all know what they say: If y'all don't have annihilation nice to say near anybody, come sit down by me."
—Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias
25. "A adult female is like a tea bag: You can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."
—Eleanor Roosevelt
26. "Lots of people want to ride with y'all in the limo, but what you want is someone who will accept the bus with y'all when the limo breaks down."
—Oprah Winfrey
27. "Whatever women do they must do twice equally well as men to be idea one-half as practiced. Luckily, this is not difficult."
—Charlotte Whitton
28. "I drink to make other people more interesting."
—Ernest Hemingway
29. "Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to encounter united states happy."
—Benjamin Franklin
30. "When you're in jail, a good friend will exist trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the jail cell side by side to yous proverb, 'Damn, that was fun.'"
―Groucho Marx
31. "I'm not offended past blonde jokes because I know I'yard non dumb. And I also know that I'm non blonde."
—Dolly Parton
32. "I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet."
—Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
33. "Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping."
—Blanche Devereaux, The Golden Girls
34. "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental affliction. Think of your three all-time friends. If they're OK, then information technology's you." —Rita Mae Dark-brown
35. "My friends tell me I take an intimacy problem. Just they don't really know me."
—Garry Shandling
36. "People waste their time pondering whether a drinking glass is half empty or one-half total. Me, I simply drink whatever's in the glass."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
37. "I don't care what they say near me. I just want to eat."
—Pam Beesly, The Office
38. "Don't waste so much time thinking almost how much y'all weigh. There is no more heed-numbing, boring, idiotic, self-destructive diversion from the fun of living."
—Meryl Streep
39. "Fifty-fifty I don't wake upwards looking like Cindy Crawford."
—Cindy Crawford
twoscore. "I don't trust anyone who does their ain hair. I don't think information technology'southward natural."
—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
Funny Quotes About Aging
41. "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your historic period."
—Lucille Ball
42. "Honey, time marches on and eventually y'all realize it is marchin' across your face up."
—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
43. "You know yous've reached eye age when you're cautioned to slow down by your physician, instead of past the police."
—Joan Rivers
44. "People say, 'How you stay looking so young?' I say, well, skillful lighting, practiced doctors, and adept makeup."
—Dolly Parton
45. "Look, you didn't ask me for my opinion, only I'k onetime, so I'm giving information technology anyway."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Gilded Girls
46. "No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: You're one-time, y'all sag, go over it."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
47. "You know you're getting old when you stoop to necktie your shoelaces and wonder what else you lot could exercise while yous're down there." —George Burns
48. "Age is something that doesn't affair unless you lot are a cheese."
—Luis Buñuel
49. "As you get older, iii things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I tin't think the other two."
—Sir Norman Wisdom
Funny Quotes About Marriage
50. "Earlier you marry a person, you should first make them use a calculator with slow Internet service to come across who they really are."
—Will Ferrell
51. "Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed."
—Albert Einstein
52. "I love yous no matter what you lot practice, but practise you have to practise then much of it?"
—Jean Illsley Clarke
53. "Love is blind but marriage is a real centre-opener."
—Pauline Thomason
54. "Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
―Phyllis Diller
55. "The secret to a long union is to stay gone."
—Dolly Parton
56. "The all-time way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're likewise erstwhile to do it."
—Shirley MacLaine
57. "Equally a human in a relationship, you lot accept a simple choice. You can either be correct, or you can be happy."
—Ralphie May
58. "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."
—Jim Carrey
Short Funny Quotes
59. "The only thing worse than being talked about is not existence talked about."
—Oscar Wilde
threescore. "The older you get, the better you go. Unless you lot're a assistant."
—Betty White
61. "If you can't be kind, at to the lowest degree be vague."
—Judith Martin
62. "Everyone who tells you money can't buy happiness never had whatsoever."
—Samuel 50. Jackson
63. "Reality continues to ruin my life."
―Bill Watterson
64. "Don't be and so humble — you are not that great."
―Golda Meir
65. "Never miss a good chance to shut up."
―Will Rogers
66. "I've had great success being a total idiot. "
―Jerry Lewis
67. "Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal arrangement."
―Ellen DeGeneres
68. "Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company."
—Marking Twain
69. "Instant gratification takes besides long."
—Carrie Fisher
70. "Don't become around maxim the globe owes you a living. The world owes y'all goose egg. It was here starting time."
—Mark Twain
71. "My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the all-time."
―Winston S. Churchill
72. "All the things I like to practise are either immoral, illegal, or fattening."
—Alexander Woollcott
73. "Whoever established the high road and how high it should exist should be fired."
—Sandra Bullock
Clever Quotes and Sayings
74. "Be wise, because the world needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and and so just acquit similar they would."
—Neil Gaiman
75. "Follow your passion, stay truthful to yourself, never follow someone else's path unless you lot're in the woods and you lot're lost and yous come across a path then by all means you lot should follow that."
—Ellen DeGeneres
76. "People who call back they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who exercise."
—Isaac Asimov
77. "A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is every bit nasty every bit himself, and hates them for it."
―George Bernard Shaw
78. "Money tin't buy yous happiness, simply it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull upwards right aslope it."
—David Lee Roth
79. "The lord gave us two ends: One to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the near."
—Ann Landers
Funny Quotes About Parenting
eighty. "When my kids become wild and unruly, I employ a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out."
—Erma Bombeck
81. "I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. And so I want to motility in with them."
—Phyllis Diller
82. "Cleaning your house while your kids are nonetheless growing is like shoveling the walk earlier it stops snowing."
—Phyllis Diller
83. "It is not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would practice information technology."
—Dorothy Zbornak, The Golden Girls
84. "Adults are always asking children what they desire to be when they abound up because they're looking for ideas."
—Paula Poundstone
85. "If yous are non yelling at your kids, yous are non spending plenty time with them."
—Reese Witherspoon
86. "In that location is no such thing as fun for the whole family unit." —Jerry Seinfeld
87. "Everybody wants to save the world. No one wants to help mom exercise the dishes."
—P.J. O'Rourke
Funny Quotes Well-nigh Work
88. "Everything I accept I owe to this job... this stupid, wonderful, wearisome, amazing job."
—Jim Halpert, The Office
89. "An office is a identify to live life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a place where dreams come true."
—Michael Scott, The Office
90. "So this is my life — until I win the lottery."
—Jim Halpert, The Office
91. "The best style to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."
—Oscar Wilde
92. "Housework can't kill you lot, just why have the chance?"
—Phyllis Diller
93. "I hate housework. Y'all make the beds, you lot launder the dishes and vi months later you accept to kickoff all once more."
—Joan Rivers
94. "I like work. It fascinates me. I tin can sit and look at it for hours."
―Jerome K. Jerome
95. "I e'er arrive late at the function, merely I make up for it by leaving early."
―Charles Lamb
96. "Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door."
—Marcelene Cox
97. "The merely affair that always sat its way to success was a hen."
—Sarah Brown
98. "You tin can't have a million-dollar dream with a minimum-wage worth ethic."
—Zig Ziglar
99. "All y'all need in this life is ignorance and confidence — then success is certain."
—Marker Twain
100. "Even if you are on the correct track, y'all will go run over if you just sit down there."
—Will Rogers
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